so today i played a really weird game of phone tag with an individual i've never met. she was calling to let me know about an organ training class i was signed up for. something about the sound of an organ training class feels awkward in and of itself...but it would be cool to know more about the organ, and the class is now on a day that works for me so i tried to call her back to let her know i'll be there and find out what time it's at. we kept missing each others calls and leaving awkward messages... "hi this is cailie...that girl that you've been trying to call all day and has left like 50 awkward messages on your answering machine...only to have you call back within minutes of receiving it...only to have me not answer..again..." phone tag=awkward. but here's what's even more awkward than plain old phone tag. so finally, after a couple of hours of this, someone picks up the phone. i had already been stressing about what her name was. it was one of those names that is pretty much the same as another name...if you know what i mean. to be honest with you i can't even remember THE name. so for the story's sake lets say it's wendy but originally i thought maybe she said mindy. so a voice answers, sounds like a woman and i politely say: "hi is this wendy?" person on the other end rudely replies: "no. it's not." me:
"umm...oh....i'm...sorry..." rude person: "that's okay...pause..." at this point it hits me. this is not wendy. this is wendy's son. who sounds an awful lot like he is in the midst of puberty. had i called a minute before, or even a minute later it might be obvious that he is a teenage male. another minute later though, and it would be easy to confuse him for his mom...as i had done. so... mortified for me AND him i pause for another second and then ask if wendy is there. he tells me no. so i leave my message and hang up. at this point i start hitting my head with my little fists, yzma style, saying the infamous "stupid, stupid, stupid." that poor boy. that has to feel great. he's thinking: hair is growing on my body...everything is weird...i can't even control my own voice and some girl thinks i'm a WOMAN! way to boost his awkward jr. high self-esteem cailie! all i can say is i was glad there was a telephone and who knows how many miles between us....and i didn't have to live this awkward moment face to face. then i remember: i had the same incident at work; only that one was in real life. there was a woman sitting on one of the benches in the front of the salon waiting for a haircut when i arrived at work one afternoon. i looked at them....and made the assessment that they were a slightly masculine woman. their hair was definitely woman hair. they had very little make-up on but were still attractive in a natural way. they like wearing baggier, more masculine clothes. kind of weird...but hey we all go through that phase. i remember in late elementary school when i wanted a pair of boys' sneakers so bad. and i wanted to be a tom-boy. yeah that lasted for about one day....maybe this girl's tom-boy phase was lasting just a bit longer. so i set up my station and turn to the woman waiting and say a simple "have you been helped?" this is where awkward comes in...a definite man's voice replies "yes...i'm just waiting..." i literally jump. my eyes get huge. i don't know how to form a word, let alone a whole sentence. so i simply offer an "uhh..."turn and hurry to the back room. after laughing for a minute....and wanting to cry for this poor soul, i pull it together and go back to work.
in the words of brian regan: "have you ever guessed somebody's gender wrong?...there's no recovering from that..you just gotta move on 'cause you ain't wriggling out of nothin'! hey excuse me..sir? MAM! okay...bye...bye human....bye person...nice to meet you individual..."
AWKWARD
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